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Messages - DRFT10
1
« on: November 20, 2009, 11:56:20 am »
Wonder what will happen with cell phone?
WHERE OLD PHONE CORDS GO
Every one of these sheep is made from telephones and cords . . Check out their feet!
(Museum of Communications in Frankfurt, GERMANY)
2
« on: November 19, 2009, 10:21:54 am »
lol
3
« on: July 30, 2009, 09:39:16 am »
The dog didn't even savage that guy's crotch. wtf are you getting so excited about? Made me LOL alot. 
4
« on: May 07, 2009, 03:00:08 pm »
A Manurewa girl goes to Social Welfare to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the assessor.
"Ten" replies the Rewa Hard girl,
"Ten?" says the Welfare worker..
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Rewa Hard girl, "Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have shout 'NATHAN, YER DINNER'S READY!'
or 'NATHAN GO TO BED NOW!' and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Welfare worker.
"That's easy," says the Rewa Hard girl... "I just use their surnames"
-----------------------------------
A North Shore girl enters an adult shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."
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Q. Two Mangere girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.
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Q. What do you call a 30 year old Glenfield girl?
A. Granny.
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Q. Why did the Otara girl cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.
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Q. What do you call a Manukau girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
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Q. What's the first question during a Papakura quiz night?
A. Whats you looking at Aa?
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Q. What does a Grey Lynn girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.
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Q. Two Mangere kids in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman.
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Q. What's the difference between a boy and an Avondale girl?
A. An Avondale girl has a higher sperm count.
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Q. What's the most confusing day in Panmure?
A. Father's day
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5
« on: May 07, 2009, 12:54:42 pm »
Lets keep trying to keep the joke threads to jokes not comments  -------------------------- Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Just because I'm a blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? "It's been a year!" I said. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot...
6
« on: March 31, 2009, 12:45:24 pm »
Growing up and wiser
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
7
« on: March 27, 2009, 09:08:45 am »
You could have heard a pin drop.
When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of
international engineers were taking part, including French and American.. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U...S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped
their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that,
whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in
Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously..
Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.'
The American said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.
'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !'
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
8
« on: March 23, 2009, 09:09:47 am »
A middle aged man bought a brand new Holden Monaro.
He took off down the road, pushed it up to 130 kmph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.
But then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 kmph to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him. The Policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's side.
"Sir my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked back at the Policeman and said,
"Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."
9
« on: March 05, 2009, 10:28:58 am »
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and s3xy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a c0ck like that."
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about 5ex at that age."
"Curious about 5ex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."
Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
10
« on: February 26, 2009, 08:23:26 am »
Look mean mate!
How oftern do you have to dust it out?
11
« on: January 23, 2009, 02:37:12 pm »
And then the fight started....
> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
> asked, 'What's on TV?'
> I said, 'Dust.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
> in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And then the fight started....
>
> ******************************************
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
> the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
> wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
>
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
> and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
>
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
> is out fishing in that?"
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
> you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
> well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
>
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
> !!!"
>
> So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> *****************************************
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds.'
>
> I bought her a scale.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> expensive...
> so, I took her to a gas station.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
> to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
> wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
> to go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
> curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
> enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> hasn't been sober since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> order first.
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ******************************************
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
12
« on: November 13, 2008, 03:03:03 pm »
$100 Dorrah :chuckle: R.O.R
13
« on: November 13, 2008, 02:49:45 pm »
I brought my new telly from noel leemings, and found out about this. So now
have two ps3's, gonna hock the new one off on trade me to help pay for
my new tv.
Here's the deal: http://www.sony.co.nz/products/promotions.jsp?promotionid=1390
Handy to know if you're looking to buy a new telly.
Pity it's only the 40 gig console though how much u going to sell it for?
14
« on: October 10, 2008, 01:32:52 pm »
Billy's Father
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did foa a living.
All the typical answers came out - Fireman, Salesman, Builder and Office Worker, but Billy was uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
His reply was "My father is an exotic dancer in a night club and takes off all his clothes in front of other peopple. Sometimes if an offer is really good, he'll go out with someone, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.
The teacher quickly set the other students some work and took Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays rugby for Australia but I was just too embarrassed to say so".
15
« on: October 02, 2008, 03:25:42 pm »
hands up if your life is such a low point that you looked at all 100 kirbies The only thing that i know of that sounds like a Kirby is a Vacuum ... am i old?
16
« on: September 29, 2008, 10:05:55 am »
17
« on: August 15, 2008, 08:53:14 am »
google is your friend... http://www.n52te.com/Have a looksee... im trying to find somwhere to buy one.. at the moment the only place that looks like i can find one (in nz) is TechPac for around $80. techpac isnt always the best for prices so if anyone knows of another place can you either PM me or reply here? I think its my next purchase, i hope there is enough keys to assign all my macros and hax too :S
18
« on: July 24, 2008, 02:39:27 pm »
This B2 Stealth landed too, just not very well!
 Like the new case i just bought 
19
« on: June 25, 2008, 11:59:13 am »
last ones
My Fav has to be the BBQ sausage ones
20
« on: June 25, 2008, 11:58:22 am »
lol
21
« on: June 25, 2008, 11:57:10 am »
just a few
22
« on: June 18, 2008, 03:43:57 pm »
Yer i admit i have seen some which looked awesome, but all these kids think its cool and go out and practice on people's fences. Graffart isnt really found on fences More walls and allys
23
« on: June 18, 2008, 07:57:27 am »
Tagging is so amazingly stupid. Tagging yes, Graff art No... As long as its done where it should its amazing.
24
« on: June 10, 2008, 03:25:53 pm »
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted,
no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it..
So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.
The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
”My friend, you have not worked here for even one day”. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain the following;
Manager :- How many days are there in a year?
Man :- 365 days and some times 366
Manager :- how many hours make up a day?
Man :- 24 hours
Manager :- How long do you work in a day?
Man 8 hours a day.
Manager :- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man :- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3
(one third))
Manager :- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man :- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager :- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man :- No sir
Manager :- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man :- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager :- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days
from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man :- 18 days.
Manager :- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man :- 4 days
Manager :- Do you work on New Year day?
Man :- No sir!
Manager :- Do you come to work on labour day?
Man :- No sir!
Manager :- So how many days are left?
Man :- 2 days sir!
Manager :- Do you come to work on (Independence day)?
Man :- No sir!
Manager :- So how many days are left?
Man :- 1 day sir!
Manager :- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man :- No sir!
Manager :- So how many days are left?
Man :- None sir!
Manager :- So, what are you claiming?
Man :- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing
Company money all these days.
25
« on: May 29, 2008, 08:14:24 am »
ahahah
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