Personal Safety Tips
By Neil Ohlenkamp

In today's crime-ridden world, personal safety is more important than ever. Here are some tips to help you protect yourself:

1.) Pickpockets thrive in large, crowded areas where they can blend in and strike unnoticed. Stick to dark, isolated alleyways.

2.) Always check the backseat before getting in your car. If a menacing-looking man is hiding there, get a girlfriend or coworker to accompany you.

3.) In the event that you are mugged, don't bother the police -- call your mother immediately.

4.) When venturing out in public, cover your genitals with both hands while scurrying furtively from place to place.

5.) Carry mace with you at all times. This medieval spiked ball is ideal for fending off would-be attackers.

6.) If forced to fight, keep the opponent from getting a grip and hope for a penalty.

7.) Going everywhere in an oversized hamster ball is a good way to ensure your safety. Be sure to avoid geysers, though.

8.) Try to live in close proximity to Batman.

9.) If mugged, take the opportunity to do a little comedic "mugging" of your own. Gesticulate wildly and say, "Oh, no!"

10.) Take a women's self-defense class. It won't protect you from an armed attacker, but you'll get a chance to bond with your "sisters."

11.) Instead of a real wallet, carry a gag one that shoots ink or confetti when you open it. That'll show Mr. Mugger!

12.) If you go jogging, wear sweatpants that say "Do Not Rape" on the ass and crotch.

13.) Keep in mind that it's hard to rob someone who has taken the precautionary measure of setting him or herself ablaze.

14.) If you must walk alone at night, appear as "street-wise" as possible by dressing like a prostitute.

15.) According to the NRA, the best form of personal protection is to be in possession of a loaded firearm at all times. To ensure your personal safety, stay the hell away from NRA members.

16.) Remember -- you can't get attacked by anyone if you preemptively attack everyone you encounter first (this is known as the Bush Doctrine).

I would say very definately pushing it there Emrico1 :huh:

No shit, some of us even do it x2

That makes them twice as fuckin kewl

Very nice

Damn, that'll learn me for being less pedantic!

Yes it will :disappoin A religious discussion thread is just about the only place on the interwebs where pedanticism is almost a pre-requisite :bigglasse

it would change my life. If god came down and showed hell to be a place of torture and pain for eternity I would drop to my knees and worship the lord. I'd be marrying girls all the time for sex and adopt the Christian life of singing hymns, praying, and whatever other exciting things christian's do at church.

I don't believe in god because there is nothing to believe in. A bible, it's just a book written thousands of years ago and gone through some alterations along the way I'm sure. I'm hardly going to change my life for a book. But if god came down and performed miracles - now that's another story.

Excellent I'll page him.

But seriously, all we have to confirm most of our history is books, most of them less credible than the bible (read "Evidence that Demands a Verdict" by Josh Mcdowell for more info on this). I find that there is three different ways of looking at history: 1. everything in every book ever written about anything that happened in the past is a lie (extremist but not un-heard of). 2. All books with some credibility have an element of truth or 3. You can pick and choose what you believe is real. Obviously number three is the most common although there are other factors in what we choose to believe that sway us one way or another such as media and upbringing.

what crash are you guys talking about? ive been living under a rock lately so what have i missed? is this the one in spain??

Na, the 747 on 747 KLM Pan Am crash a few decades ago in the Canary Islands.

About that crash..
Yeah correct TUG..that Dutch pilot was too impatient. What a balls up.
Reading that, see the heat was that intense it cleared over 1 square kilometer of fog from around that crash site. O_O

Although I have to say, being in the process of becoming a pilot, Instrument landings (which is what the Captain would have been forced to do on arrival) SUCK. They REALLY REALLY SUCK.

Another factor on the crash was KLM's overtime policy: You finish on time or you get fired.

The very sad point about universalism is that it inevitably falters on the very thing it seeks to remove: religious difference.

While it is perfectly acceptable to believe that all religions started from the same prophecy or vision it is impossible to believe that they are all correct as they stand now, so diametrically opposed are they to one another. Which is a great shame because it means that so long as there is religion there will be disagreement, fanaticism, bigotry, ignorance and, through these things, anger, hatred and war.

And all because the Spanish thought it would be a good idea to redirect all flights to a small airport on a hill on a small island that was prone to fog and had absolutely no radar equipment...

That and KLM worked on a completely different visibility safety system...

And that the KLM Captain only got ATC and decided to go ahead and take off anyway...

Also that the KLM first officer didn't keep up communication with Pan Am and pretty much ignored the tower's (admittedly confusing) warnings...

But it was nobody's fault... Right? :sly:

Don't think it is for real tho as one minute the ex is saying come back I still love you, next she is marrying his brother.

This is not nearly as surprising as you might think after three years of unhappy marriage... :anger::cussing::007::knife:

Sorry if this is a bit blunt.