joke thread

[Baldesto]

An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it".

[Baldesto]

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice "Skippy!" The woman thought "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!"

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivalled a fog horn blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

[Tiwaking!]

In Soviet Russia, a man was waiting in line for food.
"No bread, no milk, no meat. Just great." He said to the man in front of him.
A police officer, hearing his complaints, pulled him from the line off to the side. "Comrade, if you had said that 40 years ago you would have been shot. Now get back in line and wait like everyone else."
The man retook his place in line and grumbled to his neighbor again. "As if that weren't bad enough, I've just been told there aren't any bullets left either."

[Tiwaking!]

A mans son asks for one Bitcoin for his birthday. Dad replies, "What? $15,554??? $14,358 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,825 for anyway?"

[Tiwaking!]

An engineering student spots a fellow engineer with a great new bike.

”Wow, where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer says “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The first engineer nodded his approval.

“Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”