joke thread

[camy205]

I'm in tears of lols.

1+ for the rest of you life!

[Baldesto]

Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a DIY Virginity Test Kit - a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel." Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?" The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see', you hit her with the shovel."
--
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.
--
A young man picks up a streetwalker and goes to her hotel. After negotiating the price for her time he decides that he wants to begin his experience by going down on her. After a few moments he comes up and spits out a piece of potato. He shrugs and dives back in as he is too horny to care. Again he pops up and this time spits out a chunk of roast beef and a bit of carrot. This too much for him. "WTF!" he cried, "Are you sick?" "No, I'm not sick." she replied, "But my last customer was!"

[Baldesto]

DEAR DIARY

DAY 1: Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

DAY 2: Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

DAY 3: This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
 
DAY 4: A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
 
DAY 5: What absolute bliss!!
 
DAY 6: Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.
 
DAY 7: This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.
 
DAY 8: I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.
 
DAY 9: No time to write. He might catch me.
 
DAY 10: Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
 
DAY 11: I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
 
DAY 12: I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous ...
 
DAY 13: Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.
 
DAY 14: I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me.
 
DAY 15: I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.
 
DAY 16: The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
 
DAY 17: Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference... Christ! Here he comes again.
 
DAY 18: He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. Bliss!!

[Baldesto]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second.

In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"

The woman broke down and sobbed. The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought".

[Baldesto]

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Your last name stays put. Blame the civilization of a thousand years ago. The garage is all yours.Wedding plans take care of themselves. Since when has a woman ASKED for a man's opinion on the wedding?? You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. When was the last time you tried on a pair of men's shoes? One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. A 5-day vacation requires two suitcases for a mature man. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can do your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Chocolate is just another snack.

[Baldesto]

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, "E-G-G". "Very good", says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast. "T-O-A-S-T". "Excellent."

Little Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. "I had Bugger all", he says, "B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L". The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions. Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's east coast.

When it's Little Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

Johnny, she asks, "Where is the Pakistani border?" Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Pakistani border is in bed with my mother. That's why I got Bugger all for breakfast".

[Lone-Star]

Tiger Woods Txts Revealed... HAHAHA

[Pyromanik]

^ NSFW!

[420fairy]

INSTALLING HUSBAND !

 
A woman writes to the IT Technical support.....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
 
___ _______
REPLY

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter
 command: ithoughtyoulovedme. HTML and try to downloadTears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can causeHusband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT  in  any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0program. These are unsupported applications and will crashHusband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software
To improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good
 Luck Madam!

[Easymeat56k]

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

[Ngati_Grim]

Surely if she DIDN'T wash her hands there'd be more cheese?

[Baldesto]

I was going through a couple of magazines the other day in the local Muslim shop... I was really enjoying myself until the fucking gun jammed!
--
I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy did I give her a mouthful.
--
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets, Finally, after many glances from her he said "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
--
Cyril was driving down High Road when he gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Cyril's car, the policeman says, "I've come to tell you that your wife fell out your car some 2 miles back." Cyril replies, "Thank goodness, I thought I'd gone deaf."

[Baldesto]

A professor at Texas A&M University was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to or touched a ghost?" About 3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Abdul raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no-one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So Abdul, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost!" Abdul replied, "Ah sorry. From way back there, I thought you said 'goats'!"

[Baldesto]

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said "Do you have any Rye bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves." She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard." He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

[Baldesto]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the Garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make £39,000 a year and you get $2,000,000, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running!"

[Baldesto]

A man goes to his doctor for a check-up. Half way through, the doctor tells him to take down his trousers. The doctor pulls forward his pants and stands back in surprise, as there is a squirrel in a chauffeur's uniform and little hat. The doctor, in disbelief, looks again; and, sure enough, there is a squirrel, and he is dressed as a chauffeur. "Did you know you have got a squirrel dressed as a chauffeur down your pants?" asks the doctor. "Yes," says the man, "and he's driving me nuts."
--
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mummies tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, "You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."
--
An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in thm geschissen!" Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have shit in it!" The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!" The Amish man shouts back in English "Use two hands, you'll get more!"

[Baldesto]

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy.

One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"

"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

[Baldesto]

THE JOURNEY OF A MAN

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

[Virus.]

Tandem Story
This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca ... and Gary ...
English 44A, SMU
Creative Writing
Professor Miller In-class Assignment for Wednesday:

One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish partical beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Asshole.

Bitch.

[Virus.]

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and government

Paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands
would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local
technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and
Learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared
carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the
results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score
of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want
to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there
is an error in the grade?"

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together
again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the
instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through
the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.

[The Doctor]

Two guys are in a pub. The first man asks the second: "What is the most common French saying". After a few moments of contemplation, he replies: "I give up". The first man smiles and proclaims: "You got it in one."

[henno]

  1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may  need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is  actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.  

 
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.  


Sincerely,
The Dog

[Baldesto]

A veterinarian was also an amateur geneticist. One day, one of his experiments paid off. He successfully combined the DNA of a cantaloupe with that of a dog. The result was a small, round dog with orange-tinted fur. For many years, the dog was happy. But over time, he became lethargic and morose. The vet tried everything to cure the dog's depression. Eventually, he decided to take the dog to a pet psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told the veterinarian not to worry. The dog was just a little melon collie.
--
Recently a Para Unit captured a Taliban leader in Afghanistan. They took him to a warehouse where they gave him a dice. The Sergeant says, "Roll the dice and if you get 1 2 3 4 or 5 your head comes off." The Taliban leader says "What if I throw a 6?" The Sergeant says... "You get to throw again."
--
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

[Baldesto]

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.

He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.

[Baldesto]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of $25 million. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place - it was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing money, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 25 million is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is. Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and quietly says, "Ask him again."

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried two feet from the east wall behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" "Well," the lawyer replies, "he says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."