joke thread

[Zarkov]

sigh ,neg rep for RACIST jokes.thanks grim. they are just fucking jokes. its people like you and your pious fucking attitudes that will make me stop posting here.wanker.

Just ignore him Baldy.

He's a poor judge of what's reasonable.

[Kayne]

Sticks and stones imo. Taking shit seriously will get you no where lol, Its always good to have a laugh at yourself lol

[Virus.]

Oh that must be a very lol thing. I can just imagine you somehow cracking up as you typed that message.















lol.

[BerG]

I have finished reading these jokes Baldy.

Please post more.

Heres my own one for Grim:



We had a blackout on our street the other night.

But dont worry, I shot the bastard.

[Zarkov]

Let Baldy do the jokes.

[Ngati_Grim]

Yeah, fucking awesome work, rednecks......

[camy205]

Hey Grim

What do call Arnold Schwarzenegger mixed with Michael Jackson?

Michael Wasan***er.

[BeNZene]

To the person whose joke I removed, and anyone else: Zarkov was not inviting people to test the boundaries of racist joke telling by incrementally making them worse.  

Its one thing to cut & paste 25 jokes, for the amusement of everyone, in which one or two of which is offensive. Its quite another to deliberately post sexist, racist or homophobic jokes for the purpose of offending or annoying members of the forum.

[BerG]

Yeah, let that be a lesson for all of you.

[Zarkov]

Cut and paste?

[Baldesto]

i think of most of the jokes as irreverent , as in r/l you cant please some of the people all of the time. sure as fuck not gonna bother weeding out the the odd racist joke the same as im not gonna edit out the anti religious ones. personally , they are jokes, take them any other way and there is something wrong . i had no intention of posting to annoy people.

[Zarkov]

It's ok to annoy grim.

[deanox]

or we could post jokes like these. no one will be offended.


How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!

Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!


Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!


Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!


Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

[BeNZene]

Cut and paste?

I seem to recall Baldy saying at XLAN that a lot of them come from emails from his dirty work mates...

i think of most of the jokes as irreverent , as in r/l you cant please some of the people all of the time. sure as fuck not gonna bother weeding out the the odd racist joke the same as im not gonna edit out the anti religious ones. personally , they are jokes, take them any other way and there is something wrong . i had no intention of posting to annoy people.

Sorry maybe I wasn't clear - What you do is good for the community: posting lots of jokes intending to be funny, with the odd joke in there that may offend, but mostly just funny stuff. Its people who post just to offend or annoy others that start to smell the place up.

[Ngati_Grim]

sure as fuck not gonna bother weeding out the the odd racist joke

At least he admits they're racist.

[Ngati_Grim]

It's ok to annoy grim.

Yes, it is, but don't expect me to lie back and take it like your patsies.

[Ngati_Grim]

SHERLOCK HOLMES IN ACTION

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?” Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.“

[SteddieEddie]

Last night I gave my girlfriend an orgasm, the ungrateful bitch spat it out

[Dumpy]

lol

[Zarkov]

Dumpybear liked that one.

[camy205]

Why does Snoop Dogg need an unbrella?

For Drizzle.

[Zarkov]

Why does Snoop Dogg need an unbrella?

For Drizzle.

Unbrella=What you carry when you want to get wet.

[camy205]

ugh...

[SteddieEddie]

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in
Scotland .

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful
consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the
right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrod's and they selected a dainty pair
of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy
knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrod's had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two
items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the
knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the
following letter.


Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we
go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have
chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which
are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly
noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed
to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because
they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming
year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,

Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down
with a little bit of fur showing.
 
 
 

[Fantasee]

lol thats epic, never thought a glove could be described in such a way