joke thread

[Baldesto]

A local charity realised that the organisation had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to extract a contribution.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are well beyond her means?" Embarrassed, the charity rep mumbled, "Um... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "OR that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken charity rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"OR how about that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "... leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[Baldesto]

ACHIEVING INNER PEACE AND SERENITY

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under water.

There!! See? It really does work! You're smiling already!!

[SteddieEddie]

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.
When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning
 Uphill... barefoot...
BOTH ways
Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay  a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it  and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us.  
As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass!  Nowhere was safe!
 
There were no MP3' s or Napsters!  
If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  
We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone...cause that's how we rolled, dig?
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!  
If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!
It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!!
You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
 
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600! with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'.
Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!  
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!
You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.
Do you hear what I'm saying!?!
We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rats!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ........ imagine that!
 That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled.  You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

[Pitchey]

Lowrex is in bed with his Thai-girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his dangly bit, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.

Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her: 'Why do you love doing that ?'

She replies: 'Because I really miss mine...'

[henno]

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas .. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of
the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station......

The conversation went like this:

''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''

''And the best of the day te yerself.. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn "

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''

There was dead silence on the line for a long
moment..........................................

Father O'Malley then replied:
''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''

[henno]

Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
 
'Kevin, it's the Health Minister here.  Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency!  I've just received word that the Durex factory in Sydney has burned to the ground...  It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week'!

 PM: 'S....! - the economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!'

 Health Minister: 'We're going to have to ship some in from Britain ?'

 PM: 'No chance! The Poms will have a field day on this one!!'

 Health Minister: 'What about New Zealand ?'

 PM: 'Ok, you call John Key - tell him we need ten million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick!  That way they'll continue to respect the Wallabies!'

 
 Three days later a delighted Kevin rushes out to open the boxes.

 He finds ten million condoms; 10 inches long, 3 inches thick, all coloured black and white, with a silver fern printed on each one and embossed with


 
 
 
 MADE IN NEW ZEALAND
 SIZE: Small

[huey31415]

poor effort

[Pyromanik]

must have been a racist one :/






An airline captain was helping  a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

[rank666]

Eli's Dirty Jokes - youtube

[Baldesto]

The mother of Caster Semenya the women's 800m world champion has expressed her outrage at her daughter having to undergo a gender test. She said, "This is a real kick in the bollocks for my daughter."
--
A black guy goes to the doctors with a frog on his head and the doctor says, "What seems to be the problem?" And the frog says, "I've got this large blackhead on my bum."
--
Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my bum." The doctors says "Drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor "What could have made a hole as big as that?" Patient replies "I've been fucked by an elephant". The doctor says "An elephant's penis is long and thin. This hole is enormous". Patient replies "He fingered me first..."
--
A man went to a zoo. When he walked in there was only one dog. It was a shitzu.
--
A naked woman looked at herself in the mirror and said to her husband, "I look fat and ugly and I need you to say something complimentary about me ". He replied "you have perfect eyesight!"

[Baldesto]

When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey, Oprah asked, "Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable." Mr. Burns said, "I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it." Oprah said, "I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age." George said, "Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it!" Oprah said, "I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?"

So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, "I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man." George said, "The second time is even better than the first time." Oprah said, "You can really do it again at your age?" George said, "Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my love member in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy.

She said, "Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time. At your age, Oh my, oh my!!" George said that the third time would be even better. "You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my love member in your right hand and wake me in thirty minutes."

Oprah said, "Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?" George said, "No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet."

[Baldesto]

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's some flowers?" "That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy?" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy!"

[Baldesto]

A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320.
Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"

"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24." "Fuck me!" says the bingo caller, "You've won the raffle as well!"

[Baldesto]

YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN...

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your junior prom offered day care.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
When you take the dog for a walk at night, you both use the same tree.

[Fobinator]

Why does Beyonce sing; "To the left, to the left?"

  - Because women have no rights

[Blakbob]

^ Alex approves of this Joke ^

The Difference Between Small Breasts And Large Breasts

Women With Big Breasts…

..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have always been the centre of the arts
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
..usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
..always float better
..know where to look first for lost earrings
..rarely lack for a slow dance partner
..have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
Women With Small Breasts…

..don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
..always look younger
..find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
..can always see their toes and shoes
..can sleep on their stomachs
..have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
..know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
..can come late to a theatre and not disrupt an entire aisle
..can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out.

[Baldesto]

Walking to work this morning I passed a mechanics van. He was sobbing uncontrolably and looked miserable as fuck. I thought to myself that man is heading for a breakdown.
--
Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold". Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker sees he has a thermos and asks, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup, and ice cream!"
--
The teacher says, "Let's discuss what your fathers do for a living." Mary says, "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts bad guys in jail." Jack says, "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all sick people better." The teacher says, to Dirty Johnny, "John, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says, "My Dad is dead." She says, "I'm sorry to hear that. But what did he do before he died?" Johnny says, "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
--
The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought it about time that she understood the facts of life. "Lisa," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..." "It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mum," interrupted the daughter, "but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."
--
A salesman on business in Vegas is in a bar. He is talking to a pretty woman for about a half hour when he realises she is a hooker. "I'll give you $200 for a mediocre blow job," he says.  "Honey," she replies, "for $200 I'll give you the blow job of a lifetime!"  "You don't understand," he says, "I'm not horny, just home-sick."

[Baldesto]

RANDOM THOUGHTS - 25-35 YEAR OLDS...

Is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There were no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realise I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's definitely watching and laughing at the right parts.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it... thanks Mario Kart.

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an client and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)... ummm... Goonies".

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier and sluttier every year?

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 40km/h? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for paedophiles...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

The other night I ordered takeaway. When I looked in the bag, I saw they had included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

[Baldesto]

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes, Mum. I had sex with my English teacher!" The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."

Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher." "That's right, Dad."

"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for." "That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me..."

[Baldesto]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. Of course he thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he's big shot lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from West Virginia. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please." "What for?" asks the lawyer. The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop" says the deputy, "License and registration, please." The lawyer says, "What's the difference?" "The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy repeats impatiently..

The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." "That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and without warning starts beating the shit out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop... or just slow down?"

[Baldesto]

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a suck my dick!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"

The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"

[Baldesto]

Three rugby fans - a Springbok fan, a New Zealand fan and an Australian fan- were all walking home after watching a game at the pub. They come across a dead, naked woman lying on the pavement, and decide to phone the police.

The Springbok fan could not bear to see the undignified woman lying on the floor in such a manner, and took off his Springbok cap and placed it over the woman's left breast. Not to be outdone the New Zealand fan, removed his cap and placed it over the woman's right breast. Similarly, the Australian fan felt he could be of assistance and removed his cap and placed it over her groin area.

Now, when the police arrived, the 3 Rugby fans had to stick around for questioning by the police. They watched the officer inspect the scene of the crime.

The officer picked up the cap from the left breast, had a peek, put the cap down and then wrote down some notes. He then picked up the cap from the right breast, had a peek, put the cap down and wrote down some notes. Next, of course, was the cap over the groin area. The officer picked up the cap, put it down and then wrote some notes. He picked up the cap again, put it down and wrote some further notes.

For the third time, the officer did the same thing which infuriated the hell out of the Australian fan to the point where he went up to the officer.

"What are you? Some kind of pervert? Why do you keep looking there?" asked the obviously annoyed Aussie fan. The officer replied "It's just weird - normally, you'd expect to see a prick under an Australian cap!"

[Baldesto]

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan. Realising he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."

Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures, $20.00". "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, "This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents."

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit... which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

[camy205]

Funny shit Baldy.

1+ dude

[Emrico1]

Yeah bro, there is a full standup routine in the second one. +1