joke thread

[Blakbob]

Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.


Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.


[\lame sexist jokes]

[BloodDonor]

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE


    A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
    'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

    The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

    'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

    OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
    But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

    The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea...'

    To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

[TuataraDude]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
 
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face .... Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'
 
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
 
'Just a couple of minutes ago.....

[Baldesto]

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?" His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated with them." Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?" "Yeah, once or twice," he told her. "You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked. "Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
--
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said."Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"
--
Two friends were discussing the public trend towards more traditional family values, sex, marriage, etc. Ralph said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married, did you?""I'm not sure" said the friend, "What was her maiden name?"
--
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: "Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, "You've got a heart murmur - be careful".
--
A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem is. "My life is awful," the man says. "Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me." "Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender asks."I love the game," the man says. "I'm a genius. I never lose." The bartender is confused. "I thought you just said your wife beats you." "Yeah," the man says, "she's a sore loser."
--
Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos. She asks what are they made of. The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair. The woman said she could not afford that. The assistant said says "Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99."
--
Jesus walks into the Holiday Inn, throws three nails on the desk - and asks "can you put me up for the night?"
--
The young novice nun soon realised that the absence of sex in the convent was a problem. She confessed to Mother Superior that it was unhealthy and she was restless. "Comfort yourself with a candle," she was advised. "I've tried that," she said, "But you get tired of the same thing wick in and wick out."

[Baldesto]

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centred on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz". Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady. "Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?" The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious..."

[Baldesto]

21 REASONS NOT TO HAVE KIDS


The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Things I've learned from my children:
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odour is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[Baldesto]

The old tight fisted farmer married a young bride. Soon she became pregnant. The farmer took his wife to the doctor. He asked the doctor, "How much is this going to cost?" The doctor replied, "With prenatal care, hospital stay…." "Just give me the bottom line," said the farmer. The doctor replied, "Around $5,000." "WHAT!?" said the farmer. "I've birthed enough animals myself, I think we'll just rely on good old Mother Nature." With that the farmer and his too trusting wife left.

About a year later the farmer and doctor meet on the street. The doctor says, "Hello there. How did your wife's delivery go?" "Just fine," replied the farmer. "No problems," asked the doctor? "Well," replied the farmer. "To be perfectly honest, I did have a hell of a time making her eat the after birth."

[Baldesto]

A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE". Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with his teeth.

"Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds." Noting the man's bewilderment, the farmer explained that it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner. The city slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion. So the farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the same result.

The man was ready to buy the pig on the spot, but the farmer said to go on up to the house and pay his wife. The man could then bring the receipt back to the farmer and take the pig.

After a long wait, the city slicker finally returned, but without a receipt. "What's the problem, son?" asked the farmer. "I went up there like you said," said the man, "And your wife was too busy." "Busy doing what?" "Well, don't quote me on this," he warned, "But I think she was weighing the milkman."

[Baldesto]

A guy walks into a bar with his midget wife and takes a stool, with his wife standing next to him. The bartender was busy at the other end and didn't see them when they walked in. When he got done serving the customers there, he walked down the bar and asks the new customer what he would like. He asks for two glasses of beer, which the barman brings.

After leaving him, the bartender goes about serving other patrons, when he notices the man has finished his beers. He asks if he would like a refill, and the man says, "Yes. I'll have a couple more".

The barman gets two more beers and sets them in front of the man. Never having seen anyone with the guy, his curiosity is piqued, and he asks him, "Why, do you order two drinks at a time?" The man replies, "Oh, one is for me, and the other for my wife."

Astounded, having not seen the midget wife, the bartender says, "Your wife? Where is she?""She's standing here next to me." The bartender, standing on his toes, leaning forward looking over the edge of the bar, utters, "Well, I'll be God damned, she ain't any bigger than your fist!" The man replies, "No, but she's a lot better!"

[Baldesto]

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven. He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them. "Yes?" asks St. Peter. "I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani. St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here!"
--
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son. Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.
--
Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. Daughter: I just don't know, mum! Billy tries all the time, it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.
--
There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had mastered the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some problems afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58... 59, and asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the next number." When he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His father was just walking in the door from work, heard only the question, and he replied, "Listerine!"

[BloodDonor]

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs and doors too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity, occasionally will nip at a finger.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet or plywood into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Thumbs are it's favorite target.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, and whatever's under them, as well as palms, fingers and thumbs, but only while in use.

Son of a b*tch TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[BloodDonor]

The Husband Store


A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch........ You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord..


The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

[Baldesto]

Is it to soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet?
--
How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'n' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.
--
Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say 'congratulations'. But none of them rub your dick and say 'well done'.
--
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
--
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine..."

[Baldesto]

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak...

He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the balls.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news.  The good news is that you are going to be OK.  The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis.  I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor, "She's a flute player in the Manchester Symphony Orchestra.  She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye".

[Baldesto]

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

[Baldesto]

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them." replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer? "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
--
Q. How can you tell when an Aboriginal woman is having her period? A. She's only wearing one sock.
--
Guy goes into crowded bar and has to stand next to a really nasty looking drunk. He orders a drink and after it comes he smells a god awful smell coming from the drunk. So he ask him "Did you fart?" The drunk says he didn't. A minute or two later the smell hits him again and even worse that before. A real gagger. He asks the drunk again did you fart. He says no, but the smell was making his eyes water and his nose to run so he asks "Did you shit yourself? The drunk replies, "Yes I did." So the guy asks him why don't you go clean yourself up. He says, "Cause I'm not through yet!"

[Baldesto]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

[Baldesto]

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynaecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.

"What was that?" The others asked her.

"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.

"What was that?" the others asked.

"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.

"What was that?" the others asked her.

"It was Thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!"

[Baldesto]

A black guy walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.

"The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."

[Baldesto]

One day Fred and Pete are out duck hunting with Fred's new dog "Riley". Fred tells his buddy that Riley is the most amazing dog he has ever seen when it comes to hunting ducks.

"How so?" asks Pete.

"Well, I look at Riley and I say "Riley, go get 'em" and he hauls off into the marsh, then comes back and tells me how many ducks are out there by the number of times that he barks at me."

"Bullshit!"

"Okay, watch!" Fred tells Riley to "go get 'em" and about 10 minutes latter, Riley comes back and barks 6 times. Just about that time 6 ducks fly out from the marsh.

Fred tells Riley to "go get 'em" again and he comes back a while later and barks 4 times. 4 Ducks fly out from the marsh.

Pete says – "Holy shit! This dog is unbelievable. Can I buy him from you, name your price!"

"I don’t know Pete, I kinda like the dog, I don't think I can sell him."

"How 'bout $5,000?"

"SOLD!"

A few weeks go by and Fred runs into Pete down at the local feed store.

"How's my dog been treatin’ you?" says Fred.

"Aw, I had to shoot that damn dog 2 days ago."

"WHAT! Why did you shoot the dog?"

"Well, I took him out last weekend to the marsh for duck hunting and sent him off to the marsh just like you would and he was gone for almost an hour. He came back a runnin' as fast as he could out of the marsh with a stick in his mouth, went up to my leg and started humpin' me like I was the prom queen or somethin' and shakin' that stick all about. I thought he had rabbies or somethin', so I shot him."

"You dumb ass, he was tryin' to tell you that there were more fucking ducks than you can shake a stick at!"

[TuataraDude]

Mmmmmmmmmm. A  woman says to her husband , "what would you do if I won lotto?"  
He says, "I'd take half then leave you."
"Excellent,"  she replies, "I won 12 bucks , here's 6 now F*CK off!"

[Baldesto]

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

[Baldesto]

Col, the country lawyer, came across an old client outside the Alice Springs Court - an Aboriginal lady who was beaming from ear to ear. She was carrying a sheet of corrugated iron under one arm and a slab of Fosters under the other. "G'day Mary" says Col "what are you looking so happy about today?" "Just been to da fambly court, Col and look, I got half da house and half da contents!"
--
Had sex with a deaf and dumb girl last night and felt so ashamed this morning I broke all her fingers so she couldn't tell anyone.
--
I saw a Paki drowning the other day and instantly contacted the emergency services. I hope they find him or it would have been the waste of a stamp!
--
What's the difference between an onion and a dead hooker? I cried when I cut up the onion.

[Baldesto]

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "Bert, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Bert replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *POOF*, the light goes on. When I'm done, *POOF*, the light goes off." "Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Bert's wife. "Ethel," he says, "Bert is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *POOF*!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *POOF* the light goes off?" "OH MY GAWD!" Ethel exclaims. "He's pissing in the fridge again!!"

[Baldesto]

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'

The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?

The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.

The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'

By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question ..The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'