joke thread

[drunk.kiwi]

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.



The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.




Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son .....



'Go get your mother.'

[drunk.kiwi]

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
 

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
 

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob.  'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
 

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club..

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
 
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


BOB's funeral will be on Friday.

[Baltimore]

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.


Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.




How To Shower Like a Man

 
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

[Who_ate_my_rice]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a Party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those
Who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
And Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. .What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame.. What a disappointment. '

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him, and he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[Scorched_onion]

HOW TO MAKE HER ORGASIM

Spoiler :

call me

[DRFT10]

Billy's Father

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did foa a living.

All the typical answers came out - Fireman, Salesman, Builder and Office Worker, but Billy was uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

His reply was "My father is an exotic dancer in a night club and takes off all his clothes in front of other peopple.  Sometimes if an offer is really good, he'll go out with someone, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.

The teacher quickly set the other students some work and took Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.








"No" said Billy, "He plays rugby for Australia but I was just too embarrassed to say so".

[ThumbsUpGuy]

Personal Safety Tips
By Neil Ohlenkamp

In today's crime-ridden world, personal safety is more important than ever. Here are some tips to help you protect yourself:

1.) Pickpockets thrive in large, crowded areas where they can blend in and strike unnoticed. Stick to dark, isolated alleyways.

2.) Always check the backseat before getting in your car. If a menacing-looking man is hiding there, get a girlfriend or coworker to accompany you.

3.) In the event that you are mugged, don't bother the police -- call your mother immediately.

4.) When venturing out in public, cover your genitals with both hands while scurrying furtively from place to place.

5.) Carry mace with you at all times. This medieval spiked ball is ideal for fending off would-be attackers.

6.) If forced to fight, keep the opponent from getting a grip and hope for a penalty.

7.) Going everywhere in an oversized hamster ball is a good way to ensure your safety. Be sure to avoid geysers, though.

8.) Try to live in close proximity to Batman.

9.) If mugged, take the opportunity to do a little comedic "mugging" of your own. Gesticulate wildly and say, "Oh, no!"

10.) Take a women's self-defense class. It won't protect you from an armed attacker, but you'll get a chance to bond with your "sisters."

11.) Instead of a real wallet, carry a gag one that shoots ink or confetti when you open it. That'll show Mr. Mugger!

12.) If you go jogging, wear sweatpants that say "Do Not Rape" on the ass and crotch.

13.) Keep in mind that it's hard to rob someone who has taken the precautionary measure of setting him or herself ablaze.

14.) If you must walk alone at night, appear as "street-wise" as possible by dressing like a prostitute.

15.) According to the NRA, the best form of personal protection is to be in possession of a loaded firearm at all times. To ensure your personal safety, stay the hell away from NRA members.

16.) Remember -- you can't get attacked by anyone if you preemptively attack everyone you encounter first (this is known as the Bush Doctrine).

[Dr Woomanchu]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

[Chilli]

What women really mean.



(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they think theyre right and you need to shut up or you'll be (1) getting none that night, and/or (2) sleeping on the sofa that night.


(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in 'fine' (see #1).


(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)



(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.



(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or loose faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... That will bring on a 'whatever', below).


( Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*CK YOURSELF!



(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[Who_ate_my_rice]

Helen Clark and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Helen told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge cigar in the other, and was Smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

'What happened to you,' asked Helen ?

'Well,' the driver replied, 'the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me '

'My God, what did you tell them?' asked Helen.

The driver replied, 'I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Helen Clarks's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest
happened so fast I couldn't stop it.' !!

[#331;µbblès]

Update on Banking crisis... news from Japan

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on
HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai
Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that
Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in
Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to
have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate
Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at
Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

hahaha

[TuataraDude]

Contains blatant sexist joke.

Spoiler :

A study conducted by UCLA's  Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating,  she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, during her period or if  she is menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a  man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he  is on fire.

No further studies are  expected.

[drunk.kiwi]

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Foodtown and was
standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet
again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was
because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my old
fella and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid question...... why else would I buy dog food??

[drunk.kiwi]

Old but still a little funny.

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing

[TuataraDude]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'


'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.


On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the
alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

[Scunner]

Body Statistics

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs

[TuataraDude]

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said 'I want to be a movie star.' Being tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, 'What's your name?'

The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.'

The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.'

'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.'

The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years.... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.'

'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office.


FIVE YEARS LATER.....

The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

'Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice…

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

[liquidpain]

here is one i heard last night.

who would win a fight out of lion and a piecost?

then i asked whats a piecost?

$2.50.

I laughed and failed at the same time.

[Who_ate_my_rice]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles
 over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only
 to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in
 wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car,
 and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and
 love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
 
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
 
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
 
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
 
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just
 what does a rectum stretcher do?"
 
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then
 work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,
 then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side
 until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
 stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
 
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he
 asked.
 
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
 
Traffic Ticket $95.00
 Court Costs. $45.00
 The Look on Cop's Face.PRICELESS

[nzallmenace]

Ok from a american friend

five presidents--------haha

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and George W. Bush.


George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.


Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.


Then John Adams says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.


Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane.

[TuataraDude]

When you have an

"I Hate My Job day"

try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made byJohnson & Johnson (Be very sure you get this brand). When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins .

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested   and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
         
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ---   THAN YOURS!

[TuataraDude]

1 to change the light bulb.

1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
bulbs
..

53 to flame the spell checkers.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another
6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term
is "lamp"
..

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct.

156 to email the participant' s ISPs complaining that they are in
violation of their "acceptable use policy".

109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please
take this discussion to a lightbulb forum.

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum,
and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
this technique and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URLs.

27 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to
this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"?

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a search on 'light bulbs' before posting questions
about light bulbs".

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now
and to start it all over again

[Pyromanik]

http://www.righthouse.co.nz/products/lighting?gclid=CJKInNWC6ZYCFQsQagodPAJ8NQ

[TuataraDude]

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she  doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a  towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these  items.


ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in  any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a  book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and  funerals.  NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


Proof that Men Have Better Friends.

Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

[Optimus]

What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection?

Spoiler :

A quarter pounder with cheese