Religion. The evolution, creation and everything in between megathread

[Pigdog]

Maybe a tad extreme?

[Lias]

Maybe a tad extreme?

Religion is like a weed.. It needs to be weeded.. with thermobaric weapons.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

You may not have noticed, but the world ended yesterday. We are now all dead.


Enjoy.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=11525654

[Pigdog]

I like how half the artical was about the leader of E-Bible covering his tracks in case the world didn't end.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

The world will end tomorrow*




* unless it doesn't

[Pigdog]

The world will end tomorrow*




* unless it doesn't*

*If world doesn't end we will revise another date

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I'm always slightly disappointed when someone says the world is going to end, and then it doesn't.

Such a tease.

[Clin]

I like the way your monkey looks kind of pissed off

[Clin]

it makes me smile

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I was in my spaceship looking down at the Earth, waiting to see all the Humans perish in a firestorm.

Then nothing happened

<-

[Tiwaking!]

The world will end tomorrow

Too late. We're all living in the age of:

I knew he could raise the dead, didn't know he could drop it like it's hot! Holy spirited fun for everyone.. turn some water into wine, pass around the loaves and fishes, and get down with your disciples!

edit: damn. I messed up the image tag badly

[Tiwaking!]

That looks less like a hand and more like a fist. Probably the fist of Jesus

http://news.discovery.com/earth/weather-extreme-events/hand-of-god-cloud-appears-over-portugal-160201.htm

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

He's come to smite the unbelievers.

They do not believe, so they shall be smote!

[Pigdog]

He's come to smite the unbelievers.

They do not believe, so they shall be smote!

I always thought the fist of Jesus would be fisting the non-believers.

[Pyromanik]

So that new show Lucifer.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who has thought about the character in that exact devil's advocate sort of manner. (pun intended)

[Kayne]

I decided to read the old testament.

God said for men to all kill their firstborn child / son.

God's all knowing right? That means he still means what he said today....right?

[Pigdog]

I think we can all agree that religion is silly.

[Kayne]

In reply to a certain cute little someone (now you will all be wondering who)

I've heard that yes - It was actually a test for abraham

But that part that I read was actually the LAW that God imposed on all men. There are actually quite a few things wrong with today's world that go against what God DIRECTLY said in the old testament.

LET'S QUOTE THEM RIGHT NOW!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2020&version=KJ21 (So you can read along too!)

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy work;
10 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God. In it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."

I.e Sunday - Do not work on a Sunday - This is actually one of the 10 commandments, and the punishment for working on a sunday? DEATH.

" And if thou wilt make Me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone; for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it"




Just like these alter abs, some are made of stone, or partially. Quite neat for "natural rock", if you ask me.

26 Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto Mine altar, that thy nakedness be not uncovered thereon.’

I can't think of a comment for every one. A lot of churches have at least 2 steps (not a fact, more opinion(?)) leading up to the raised alter.

If thou buy a Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve; and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.

Slavery - Good, right? God said so!

Ow christ, here is a "new" one

5 And if the servant shall plainly say, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’
6 then his master shall bring him unto the judges. He shall also bring him to the door or unto the doorpost, and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall serve him for ever.

To save you all from googling, An Awl looks like a giant sharp spike with a screw driver handle. Practically a shiv.

18 “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

Direct confirmation that witches exist, according to God.

29 “Thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits and of thy liquors. The firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto Me.
30 Likewise shalt thou do with thine oxen and with thy sheep: seven days it shall be with his dam; on the eighth day thou shalt give it to Me.

And there we have it, A direct command for all of man to hear, to give up your first born child on it's 8th day.

I can't be bothered reading through all of this stuff again, but I know that

* God commanded all men to celebrate his being 3 times a year, with a feast of unleavened bread (as in - no yeast)
* God commanded at each of these feast (I think, or maybe it was a separate 3 times a year) for each man / group / community to bring forth a-whole-load-of-hard-fucking-work giant arc. to be sacrificed.
Part 1 : https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2025&version=KJ21
Part 2 : https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2026&version=KJ21
Part 3 : https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2027&version=KJ21
* To murder all who do not directly believe in the christian god, for they will tarnish your beliefs.
* If you touch something "dirty" (unclean; evil; unholy), regardless if you know it or not, you are now dirty too.

[Kayne]

Funny watches - I love the last 2. The first one is just relevant to what I wrote in the previous post.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy work;
10 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God. In it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."

I.e Sunday - Do not work on a Sunday - This is actually one of the 10 commandments, and the punishment for working on a sunday? DEATH.

Pfft, like a cow has ever done a honest days work, they just sit their and chew grass all day.

[BerG]

If you dont milk the cow on Sunday, she will get mastitis and die. This kills the cow population.

Stupid motherfucker, God.

[Pigdog]

Some gods just want to watch the world burn.

[Retardobot]

Funny watches - I love the last 2. The first one is just relevant to what I wrote in the previous post.

Thanks for bringing NonStampCollector to my attention.

His videos are god-tier...

Just a shame he is unable to make more than 1 or 2 a year.