Football Thread (formally Soccer Thread)

[Spork]

It's getting too serious in here, so I have a fantastic - long read joke for everyone.

http://msn.foxsports.com/foxsoccer/premierleague/story/Webster-Bale-rivals-Messi-for-title-of-worlds-best

LOL.

'So just who is Bale right now?

Personally I think he looks like a combination of Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Roberto Carlos in his prime.'

=I

Americans.. Seriously.. wtf?

[Spork]

[video]EUgP96XjEpY[/video]

[JuDgE MenTaL]

haha not serious, just banter. In a nutshell Chelsea fans expect 100% effort not a 100% victory which is maybe where the confusion is. On Sunday Chelsea fans didn't get that.

Gareth Bale is the best player in the Spurs squad. Is that a compliment?

[LeadCollector]

Feel so bad for Peter Cech, hes the absolute best Goal Keeper in the world

7th actually according to FIFA... but you were close

[JuDgE MenTaL]

Pfft what do FIFA know?

[Wandarah]

Kept editing, cause I kept figuring out more ways to sound like a cunt - you know how it is. Perhaps I just wish we were top of the league, like 2008, 12 points clear...

And yeah - for the first time in years, I am actually concerned about the Tottenham game. Hopefully we fuck them 24-0.

[JuDgE MenTaL]

haha I do mate, all good. I love a bit of good old footy banter.

If I'm honest I think you'll beat them (not 24-0 mind , but they've certainly been a bit of a bogey team for us for a while now.

[Wandarah]

I wouldn't have given it a second thought if it werent for RVD - a quality player in that floating role is the exact type of chappy we have issues with. Vermaleen might be able to break his leg, but his own leg is apparently broken beyond all imagination.

[JuDgE MenTaL]

Yea, he's been a bit of a coup for them but then they needed someone to get goals off with the likes of Pavlicenko and Crouch acting as decoy strikers and Lennon just being shit.

[maorifulla]

lol

[Spork]

^ poor bloke...

[kilabee]

WTF no right foot or what?

Edit I once missed an open goal like that by putting it over the bar inside the six yard box..............Ahahaha.............I was only 9 years old though but the humiliation lives on deep in my soul.

[JuDgE MenTaL]

haha, I missed a penalty on saturday...I say missed, keeper saved it with his face which to me was a minor victory because he was a gobby twot all through the game. We won anyway because our keeper was mint.

[Wandarah]

Word up, if you can't score - at least scone them in the fucking face.

See: Diaby - John Terry CC final 2008 (?)

[Spork]

Word up, if you can't score - at least scone them in the fucking face.

See: Diaby - John Terry CC final 2008 (?)

Hahahahah Diaby's greatest work!

Back in my days of Soccer, I once missed an extremely easy chance, which was also the last chance for my team (who were the grade c team in my year at school ) to make it into the finals...

Easy enough to say, I've never kicked a ball since. Although I do regret that decision.

And I was a defender, and only ever scored one goal in my life.

[Wandarah]

Player of the Year 1987, for United FC (Southland Youth Team) right here son! Oh them was the glory days.

Like you I had one moment of embarrassment which ruined my career - as it were.

Playing Wing-Back, got the back hoofed back to me against the game on the half-way line. Their centre forward closed me down quick, I had no support. Instead of hoofing it out, or passing back to the Keeper - I inexplicably turned and ran with the ball toward my own keeper. Their forward right behind me. Then, about 20 yards from goal, I realised what I was doing and again, inexplicably, put my foot on the ball to stop it and I assume allow myself time to think about what the fuck I was doing.

Their forward yelled 'Thanks!' as he nicked it from under my foot, and smacked it into the top corner.

What?

[maorifulla]

I remember one time back in 87 we were playing United FC down in southland and one of their backs stopped the ball by trapping it under his foot

i just ran up and took the ball and yelled thanks as I slotted it in the top corner for the goal
















JKS

[Wandarah]

Fuck you son.

[Spork]

Anyone know why England managers can't use umbrellas?

I just watched the England France game and at the start of the telecast one of the presenters said the reason why capello didn't use an umbrella because of 'you know who doing you know what you know when'

I do not know.

[JuDgE MenTaL]

Apparently Carroll was the best player on the pitch for England and won nearly everything in the air no thanks to Gareth Barry who was sh1t and Gerrard just got injured.

Wandarah, can you tell your boo boy mates to stop going to England games, they will always be disapointed.

The only positives I can draw is that Cashley Hole didn't play and Malouda never got injured.

Very Patriotic I know.

[maorifulla]

Fuck you son.

+1

[Spork]

The only positives I can draw is that Cashley Hole didn't play and Malouda never got injured.

Cole is definitely at least one of the best centrebacks in the world.

I hate to say it, but it is true.

[JuDgE MenTaL]

No he isn't, he's a pretty awesome left back though Maybe that's why he left Arsenal, because you kept playing him out of position.

jks

On another note..



Is it me or does it look like Carlo is trying to curl one out the back door?

[Wandarah]

Anyone know why England managers can't use umbrellas?

I just watched the England France game and at the start of the telecast one of the presenters said the reason why capello didn't use an umbrella because of 'you know who doing you know what you know when'

I do not know.

Because Steve McClaren, already on a hiding to nothing for signing up to the England Manager job, and on a series of poor results (ahem), and being perceived as tactically clueless; decided to use an umbrella when it was pissing down at Wembley.

This lead to endless hooting and jeering from the English Press, who questioned his masculinity, et al - and all sorts of ludicrous statements were made by people. Statements which on any sane planet, would have had led to said people being immediately locked up. Also it can be said, indirectly lead to his dismissal as manager.

This is obviously quite different, to say, The Sun's portrayal of Capello as a donkey which occurred quite recently. The same Sun newspaper who was praising him after a nearly flawless qualifying campaign - only to turn on him in the most noxious way possible when England's overpaid legion of prima donna ball kickers stopped paying attention to their manager in South Africa and summarily bombed out of the tournament like the inept pack of ego driven wankers they are.
 
Even the most casual observance of English commentary will force you to make the inference that almost anyone attached to football related media in England is a dribbling fucking moron.

Except perhaps James Richardson, who is dreamy.

I imagine being England manager is kind of like being stuck in the kitchen of the worlds most expensive restaurant on an extremely busy night, the clientèle of which is composed entirely of escaped schizophrenic, violent, sexual offenders who have gleefully fled from the scene of their overturned highly-secure inter-prison transport and, while waiting for the Great Magnet to deliver it's next proclamation, have decided to all simultaneously order Duck a l'orange with sautéed truffles, and an extra large side of glue. So you stand there, peering out through the glass, wondering how you can simulate a reduction of orange, when all you have is a can of baked beans, half a black pudding and a small can of diseased cock.

[JuDgE MenTaL]

Haha, love it. You have a fine turn of phrase.

I think Martin Samuel in the Mail does pretty good footy articles all in all. I hate The Sun 'newspaper' and always have. I do like the shamelessly bad puns they use in their headlines though.

(Hang on, did you just use a restaurant analogy?)