Dwarf Fortress

[Lias]

they can now die from drinking too much alcohol.

These are dwarves we're talking about, that's against the laws of physics.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

they can now die from drinking too much alcohol.

These are dwarves we're talking about, that's against the laws of physics.

Yea, I thought the same thing.

Maybe it's for when the humans visit your fort. Maybe only they can get wasted. Weak humans can't handle their drink.

[Tiwaking!]

they can now die from drinking too much alcohol.

These are dwarves we're talking about, that's against the laws of physics.

That decision is as bad as when Hayden Christiansen was put into the end of Return of the Jedi.
Or when Uwe Boll was selected to direct "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale".
Or John Key

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

That decision is as bad as when Hayden Christiansen was put into the end of Return of the Jedi.
Or when Uwe Boll was selected to direct "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale".
Or John Key

"In the Name of the Key: A Prime Ministers Tale", staring Hayden Christiansen as John Key. Directed by Uwe Boll. Coming to theatres 2017.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I've been playing more of my Fortress, (On the train, while everyone else is anti-socially staring at their phones, I've got my laptop out playing Dwarf Fortress like a boss.)

It's been a peaceful time, no recent attaches from goblins or waremoose, in fact it's getting quite boring. My cage traps keep capturing wombats, which make useless pets (but nice wombat roast).

So I've stepped up production, cranking out bin loads of high quality steel amour and weapons, because who doesn't want piles of steel helms and battle axes? Built around 10 new forges and now have to upskill my dwarves.

Also busy building bedrooms, because you can never have too many bedrooms.

Pictures to come soon.

[Zarkov]

Tell us about the train.

It has to be more interesting.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

Tell us about the train.

It has to be more interesting.

The train was built by the Spanish company Construcciones y Auxiliar de Ferrocarriles, in Beasain, Spain. It's part of the CxK family of trains. It has a maximum speed of 110 km, and a power output of 1,520 kW.
It's powered by a 25,000 volt overhead wire system. It has a capacity of 373 people (230 seated and 143 standing).
It is operated by Transdev Auckland, formerly Veolia Transport Auckland Ltd.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

My collection of badgers.


Surface, with a walled area for growing trees, and statue garden, and my training area.


My iron stockpile, for making sharp pointy things to kill with.

[Tiwaking!]

My collection of badgers.

That doesnt look like normal Dwarf Fortress. That looks like some graphical update mod or something. You heathen!!

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

Well that went terribly.

Under siege by goblins, I thought I had it pretty well handled. 3 squads of dwarves between multiple lines of defences.

However there was a small gap in the wall around the back, which the goblins came through and took my dwarves by surprise. I managed to defeat them, but not without suffering some heavy losses. Lost about a dozen soldiers.

However, I did catch one goblin in a cage trap, so in retribution, I dragged him down to the dungeon, stripped him of his weapons, THEN BASHED HIS FACE IN WITH A IRON SHIELD UNTILL HIS HEAD EXPLODED!

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

So it turns out babies are not ready for army training.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I should really put a stop to this, but I thinks it's too late. Better to put it out of it's misery.

[Tiwaking!]

I should really put a stop to this, but I thinks it's too late. Better to put it out of it's misery.

One of my video game development students asked me why I had put a lower age limit of 12 years old for adults in my Space Mines game.

I told me it was to prevent people from selling children into slavery.

He asked me "What is wrong with selling children into slavery?"

I thought he was the most terrible human being until I read this.

[Clin]

Who is hitting the baby with a spear in the first place?

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

Who is hitting the baby with a spear in the first place?

I am. I set up a training room where I repeatedly hit my dwarves with wood training spears. This up skills them in dodging and armour skills when they deflect the shots.

However when a dwarf has a baby, they will carry it around with them for the first two years, even if they happen to be drafted into the army.

And it turns out Baby dwarves are not to good at dodging training spears.


 

[Pigdog]

Probably because their mothers use them as shields?

[Clin]

Clin vomits.
Clin retches.
Clin vomits.
Clin retches.
Clin vomits.
Clin retches.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

Clin vomits.
Clin retches.
Clin vomits.
Clin retches.
Clin vomits.
Clin retches.

Is this your typical Friday night?

[Clin]

Maybe fifteen years ago. Now my Friday night is video games and coffee. Tasteful video games. With a moral compass and actual graphics.

[Lias]

Tasteful video games. With a moral compass and actual graphics.

I want more games where I can tastefully drill a hole in innocent peoples foreheads and skull fuck them. Graphically.

Mostly for the moral outrage.. mostly..

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I want more games ...

Implying that there are already some games where you can do such things?

[Lias]

I want more games ...

Implying that there are already some games where you can do such things?

Only the ones I made myself :-(

[Clin]

I envisage paper cutouts, whiskey and a large, strange man.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

This is a Kea



In real life, Kea's don't cause much trouble, expected damaging the rubber seals on the ocansional car.

But in Dwarf Fortress they are terrible creatures to behold.

Here follows the epic struggle between the Dwarves and a Kea.

There is also an account of the time Thikut the dwarf was next to a bed, he found the experience interesting.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

One of my dwarves cause a ruckus, started a fist fight after drinking too much, a fist fight with a Goose!



He was subjected to dwarven justice, a good old fashioned beating.

Here's a 'blow by blow' account of his beating.