Funniest email I've ever seen

[Gutty]

Hello

VACANCY ANNOUNCEMENT:

Project coordinator

The successful candidate will have a vision of the future, excellent communication and
interpersonal skills, and a high level of energy with a strong work ethic and positive
attitude. NO EXPIRIENCE NEEDED.

Title: Project Coordinator
Reports To: Support Manager
Work year: 12 Months
Work start date: a.s.a.p
Salary: 2504$ (plus commision)
Type of work: Home based
Number of Vacancy: 7
Eessential Duties:
· Contacting our clients(pro-gamers) via email or phone.
· Administration and monitoring of Gamers activities
· Distribution of bonuses for winners(prizes and cash)
· Follow all instructions(indications) of the company

Qualification Requirements:

Excellent knowledge of English
Interpersonal skills
Computer and Internet with e-mail
Negotiation skills and experience
Targets oriented
Self motivated

Education and/or experience:

Previous experience is not a must
You may also keep working in your main office

Forward Your interest(may include your CV ) with "Project Coordinator" in the Subject line.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I have visions of the future.


The doctor said it's a medical problem.

[The Demon Lord]

Where do I sign up?

[Pyromanik]

Sounds like a scam. There's not nearly enough buzzwords and barely-relevant acronyms per sentence to be a real recruiter's email.

[Gutty]

JAMES B. COMEY, JR
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET.

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,


The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in conjunction with other relevant Investigation Agencies here in the State have been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you have an on-going transaction with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) as regard to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favour. It might interest you to know that we have taken time in screening through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all facet and of which you have the lawful right to claim without any further delay. We will further advise that you go ahead and deal with the governor office of Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) accordingly as we will be monitoring all their correspondence with you.

In addition, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the Executive Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, in the person of Mr Godwin Emefiele and Mr. Paul Jones along with some of the top officials of the ministry regarding your case and they made us to understand that your file has been held in abase depending on when you personally apply for the claim. They also told us that the only problem they are facing right now is that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating the Executive Governor and the Central Bank office. We were also made to understand that a lady with name of Mrs. Joan C. Bailey from OHIO has already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund valued at about US$8,000,000.00 (Eight million united states dollars).

More so, we were advised to warn our dear citizens who must have been informed of their contract payment from the Central Bank of Nigeria, to be very careful prior to the on-going internet irregularities,  so that they would not fall victim of ugly circumstances.  In case they are already dealing with anybody or office from the Central Bank of Nigeria are strictly advised to STOP further communication with them in their best interest and thereby contact the real office of Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) via the below information:

NAME: MR. GODWIN EMEFIELE
OFFICE ADDRESS: Central Bank of Nigeria,
Central Business District,
Cadastral Zone, Abuja, Federal.
Capital Territory, Nigeria.
Email: central.bnk@aol.com
Tel: +234 802 612 7936

NOTE: In your best interest, you should ignore any message that does not come from the above email address and phone number for security reasons.  Meanwhile, you are hereby advised to contact the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria via above details immediately and request for instant attention to your payment files as directed herein, so as to enable you receive your contract fund accordingly.

To enable them attend to your payment files, you are required to reconfirm and authenticate your personal data/particulars as listed below for onward processing and release of you fund as we will not be held liable for any wrong payment.

FULL NAMES: __________________________________
CITY: _________________________
STATE: __________________________________
ZIP: ______________
COUNTRY________________________________
SEX: _______________
AGE: __________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________

Ensure you follow all due process as required by Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria in order to hasten up the whole procedures of your fund transfer to your designated account.  Bear in mind, that the Central Bank of Nigeria equally has an operational operandi (payment protocol) in line with international banking policy. So, you should adhere to avoid any delay which maybe detriment your fund transfer.

Once again, we hereby advise you to contact them via the above email address and make sure you forward to them all the necessary information which they may require from you prior to the release of your fund to you. All modalities have already been worked out and we will be monitoring all your dealings with the CBN’s governor in respect to your fund transfer. Thus, you have nothing to worry about as far as we, the FBI is concerned.

Henceforth, you should always update us as to enable us be on track with you and the Central Bank of Nigeria. Finally, we want you to contact them immediately via the above email address so as to enable them attend to your case accordingly without any further delay as time is already running out.  Should you need more information(s) in regard to this notification, feel free to get back to us on this email address so that we can put you through and as well guide you during and after your successful actualization of this project.

Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation in advance as we earnestly await your urgent response regards to this matter.

Best Regards,

James B. Comey, Jr
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building.
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C.
E-mail: jbcomey310@aol.com

[Gutty]

Biggest email yet

[Gutty]

This is a personal email directed to you. I am Adrian Bayford,My wife and I
won a Euro millions of 148m Pounds jackpot on august 14th, 2012.This is no
joke please see for yourself in the link below my wife and i when we won.



http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-19254228



We have voluntarily decided to donate the sum of ONE MILLION POUNDS EACH to
15 lucky individuals all over the world as part of our own charity
project.We believe that this wonderful opportunity came to us from God and
we cannot keep it to ourselves alone, If you have received this email then
you are one of the lucky recipients and all you have to do is to reply this
e-mail  with your particulars so that we can send your details to the
pay-out Department.



Congratulations.

Adrian & Gillian Bayford

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I'm glad the FBI is monitoring all my correspondence with Bank of Nigeria.

It's good to have someone watching my back, as you can never know who you can trust these days.


I'm also impressed that the FBI used aol.com for all their emails, as it is a trusted email service.

[Pitchey]

aol or lol?

[Gutty]

oh this fail, it makes me laugh to even think who falls for it. can you spot the flaw in this email??
on a side note, i have logged into my internet/mobile banking app with no problem. lol


Date   Mon, 07 Sep 2015 13:33:43 -0700
From   "review@kiwibank.co.nz" <review@kiwibank.co.nz> Add to contacts
To   "Undisclosed recipients"@ Add to contacts, ""@ Add to contacts
Subject   Your Kiwi account has been flagged
 
      
    
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message/source      Message Source   
       
    
 
Dear Customer,
Our system displays an incomplete validation process on your account.
 
Kindly verify and validate your information immediately to avoid service
suspension.
 
Please click here to resolve this issue:
http://www.kiwi.co.nz/account/unlock-system
 
Technical Support
Kiwi Bank Limited

Code: [Select]

Tue, 08 Sep 2015 08:34:08 +1200 (NZST)
Received: from smtp.phoenix.frontieradjusters.com
 (HELO PE1950.phoenix.frontieradjusters.com) ([12.226.57.246])
 by mxin3-orange.clear.net.nz with ESMTP; Tue, 08 Sep 2015 08:34:07 +1200
Received: from 162-219-31-61.aquanetworks.co.uk (174.127.99.233)
 by PE1950.phoenix.frontieradjusters.com (172.20.32.7)
 with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.0.813.0; Mon, 07 Sep 2015 13:33:55 -0700
Date: Mon, 07 Sep 2015 13:33:43 -0700
From: "review@kiwibank.co.nz" <review@kiwibank.co.nz>


[Gutty]

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Date Fri, 02 Oct 2015 21:36:23 +0100
From "Patricia Chandler"@unspecified-domain Add to contacts
To Recipients@clear.net.nz Add to contacts
Reply-To patchand01@gmail.com Add to contacts
Subject Hi
 
My donation of $2,000,000 us dollars may not be much to you but i believe it
will go along way to improving your standard of living


[Gutty]

Code: [Select]

Date Sat, 03 Oct 2015 10:35:34 +0100
From Henri Karkaby <hkarkaby@idm.net.lb> Add to contacts
Subject Your mailbox is over its size limit
 

 
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text/html 2 [no description] text/html 1.56 KB download
message/source Message Source

 

Your mailbox is over its size limit, you are now running 10.9GB; you may not be
able to send or receive new e-mail until your validate your mailbox.

 

Validated now to avoid deactivation, click on the following link to
validate: http://admin56.cu.ma/zimbra/Validate.html

 

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience.

 

 

 

Thank You

 

Help Desk, Inc


[Pigdog]

The full mailbox is probably one of the more unique ones I have seen. What email service are you with? you seen to be getting plenty.

[Gutty]

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Date Thu, 22 Oct 2015 11:17:03 +0100
From Brad Andy Johnson <samandy247@gmail.com> Add to contacts
To undisclosed-recipients@ Add to contacts, ""@ Add to contacts
Bcc gut****@facebook.com Add to contacts
Subject Re: David I Await Your Response .

Good Day David,

I am Brad Johnson i work as an auditor for a UK Asset Management company
which is a private subsidiary of HSBC Bank,However i apologize for my
interference into your privacy as this was done out of my desire to locate
a matured and trustworthy individual who can guarantee the confidence
needed in this matter. Mind you this is not a scam .
On a routine audit check last Month, I discovered an investment account
portfolio that has been dormant for the last fifteen (15) years and all the
accounts belonging to a single holder with funds totaling a little above
(£7,110,000.00) Seven Million One Hundred and Ten Thousand Pounds.
Banking regulations in the UK demands that the fiscal authorities be
notified when accounts are dormant for this period as this will enable the
reversion of the funds as an unclaimed asset back to the treasury and have
the account closed .

My investigation reveals the client bears the same surname with you and
i can confirm with certainty that the deceased died intestate and no
next–of–kin has been found or has come forward all these years .

This is why i reached out to you ,Officially the most important guiding
principle of the Inheritance law is its emphasis on the wishes and intent
of the individual that has died.I want you to understand it is only an
outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the
financial world aberrational. My proposal is i am prepared to place you in
a position to give instruction for the release of the deposit to you as the
closest surviving next of kin .Your reward will be 40% of the total funds
less any expenses should you accept to partner with me

I can guarantee that this transaction will be executed under a legitimate
arrangement that will protect us without breaching any law .
Once i read back from you i will furnish you with further details.

To affirm your willingness and cooperation to my proposal please contact me
through email stating the followings:-
(1) Full Name; (2) Telephone,Fax and Mobile Numbers; (3) Postal Address:
(4) Occupation: (5) A copy of your ID ..

Mr Brad Johnson​ .

it was my facebook email address in the bcc :/

[Gutty]

Date   Tue, 17 Nov 2015 17:53:06 +0330
From   "Barclays Bank."@unspecified-domain Add to contacts
To   Recipients@clear.net.nz Add to contacts
Reply-To   bbbank92@yahoo.com.sg Add to contacts
Subject   REF:- INSTRUCTION TO CREDIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
 
      
    
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message/source      Message Source   
       
    
BARCLAYS BANK PLC.LONDON
CLAPHAM JUNCTION BRANCH,
1 Church Hill Place,
London, London,
E13 5BH LONDON
+447700056113

Attention: Beneficiary

REF:- INSTRUCTION TO CREDIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT

This is second time we are notifying you about the statue of your fund right now
in my desk. After due vetting and evaluation of your Inheritance file which The
Ministry of Finance of the Federal Republic of Nigeria Forwarded and contacted
us to see to your immediate payment.

We write to inform you that, this office has arrange all the necessary document
for our Telex Department for immediate programming them into our payment system
.But we can transfer the fund into your account yet until you get the (NON
RESIDENTIAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE) submit to this bank for immediately transfer
into your account. We shall update you with next correspondence as soon as we
confirm the documents. Thanks for your co-operation.

From our findings you have been going through hard ways by paying a lot of
charges to see to the release of your fund ($15, 000, 000, 00) which has been
delayed. We advice that you stop further communication with any correspondence
from Nigeria. You don't have to pay any charges to receive your Inheritance
fund anymore as you have met up with the whole requirements, your
representatives in Nigeria will tell you to still go ahead with them but on
your own risk.

The only thing required from you is to obtain Non-Resident Clearance Certificate
which we are not asking you to pay the fee to us here in United Kingdom as the
Government of Nigeria have paid us for handling/processing of your payment with
other customers. We will help you to see hat you obtain the form so that our
bank will affect immediate transfer of your Inheritance sum ($15,000, 000, 00)
in to your designated bank account.

If you follow up our directives your fund will reflect in your account within
five working Bank days from the day you obtain this form. Do not go through
anybody again but through this Bank if you really want your fund.7
Head, Private Banking Section.
Ed, Foreign Payments
yours sincerely,
Mr. Frank Douglas

[Gutty]

oh look, another one!

BARCLAYS BANK PLC.LONDON
CLAPHAM JUNCTION BRANCH,
1 Church Hill Place,
London, London,
E13 5BH  LONDON
+447700056113

Attention: Beneficiary

REF:- INSTRUCTION TO CREDIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT

This is second time we are notifying you about the statue of your fund right now in my desk. After due vetting and evaluation of your Inheritance file which The Ministry of Finance of the Federal Republic of Nigeria Forwarded and contacted us to see to your immediate payment.

We write to inform you that, this office has arrange all the necessary document for our Telex Department for immediate programming them into our payment system .But we can transfer the fund into your account yet until you get the (NON RESIDENTIAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE) submit to this bank for immediately transfer into your account. We shall update you with next correspondence as soon as we confirm the documents. Thanks for your co-operation.

From our findings you have been going through hard ways by paying a lot of charges to see to the release of your fund ($15, 000, 000, 00) which has been delayed. We advice that you stop further communication with any correspondence from Nigeria. You don't have to pay any charges to receive your Inheritance fund anymore as you have met up with the whole requirements, your representatives in Nigeria will tell you to still go ahead with them but on your own risk.

The only thing required from you is to obtain Non-Resident Clearance Certificate which we are not asking you to pay the fee to us here in United Kingdom as the Government of Nigeria have paid us for handling/processing of your payment with other customers. We will help you to see hat you obtain the form so that our bank will affect immediate transfer of your Inheritance sum ($15,000, 000, 00) in to your designated bank account.

If you follow up our directives your fund will reflect in your account within five working Bank days from the day you obtain this form. Do not go through anybody again but through this Bank if you really want your fund.

Head, Private Banking Section.
Ed, Foreign Payments
yours sincerely,
Mr. Frank Douglas

[Pitchey]

Frank's legit.

[Pigdog]

I will be sorely disappointed when the actual Nigerian prince I am related too dies and I delete the email that the bank sends me.

[Zarkov]

Frank's legit.

His english isn't very good.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I often get emails listing jobs in my field.

But never one for Vice President before.

Dear Mr. Spacemonkey:

Boyden executive search has been retained to aid in the search of a new Vice President, Business Development – Real Estate Management Services (REMS) Western Canada, for Colliers International. We are contacting you to bring this opportunity to your attention, might you know a commercial real estate professional with strong business development capabilities in Western Canada. We have an executive briefing package that we would be pleased to send over.

brb, applying.

[Gutty]

CONTACT DHL COURIER COMPANY NIGERIA
MOSAFA BEN & COUNSELORS AT LAW
06 BP 1409 AKPAKPA DODOME
WEST AFRICA NIGERIA
EMAIL:(dhlcdelivery@yahoo.com)
PHONE:+23480 3574 2053


Happy new Happy!!!

I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your Conformable Bank Draft
of $14.5m United States Dollars, but I did not hear from you since for a couple
of weeks now. Then I went to the bank to confirm if the draft has expired or
getting near to expire and Dr.Wilson the Director Bank told me that before the
draft will get to your hand that it will expire. So I told him to Convert the
$14.5m USD UNITED STATES DOLLARS to CASH payment to avoid losing this funds
under expiration as I will be out of the country for a 3 Months Course and I
will not come back till ending of February 2016.

What you have to do now is to contact DHL COURIER SERVICE as soon as possible to
know when they will deliver your package to you because of the expiring date.
For your information, I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance
premium.


The only money you will send to the DHL COURIER SERVICES to deliver your package
direct to your postal Address in your country is ($125.00 US) One hundred and
twenty Five United States Dollars only being Security Keeping Fee of the
Courier Company so far.Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other
money except $125.00 US Dollars. I would have paid that but they said no
because they don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage.

You have to contact DHL COURIER SERVICES now for the delivery of your $14.5M USD
with this information bellow;

Directors Name: Dr. Mosafa Ben
Companys Name:DHL COURIER SERVICES
Email Address: (dhlcdelivery@yahoo.com)
Tel: +23480 3574 2053

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address and Direct telephone
number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them to give
you the tracking number after payment to enable you track your package over
there and know when it will get to your address. Let me repeat again, try to
contact them as soon as you receive this mail to avoid any further delay and
remember to pay them their Security Keeping fee of $125.00 US Dollars for their
immediate action.


Note this. The DHL COURIER SERVICES don't know the contents of the Box. I
registered it as a BOX of Africa cloths. They did not know the contents was
money. this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX. Don’t let them know that
box contents money ok.

I am waiting for your urgent response.


SHIPMENT CODE AWB 33XZS
PACKAGE REGISTERED CODE NO XGT442.
SECURITY CODE SCTC/2001DHX/567/
CERTIFICATE DEPOSIT CODE SCTC/BUN/xxiv/-78/01


God bless you and your family.
SENATOR ROSE ORLANDO

[Pigdog]

Have a happy new happy everybody!

[Gutty]

the engrish is good yo~

[Pigdog]

I registered it as a BOX of Africa cloths.

[Apostrophe Spacemonkey]

I didn't know DHL was a subsidiary of Yahoo.